


Good Enough

by Pomelofangirl



Series: Feelsy feels of feels. [4]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Rin having self esteem issues and thinking very low of himself, The power of friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 11:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomelofangirl/pseuds/Pomelofangirl
Summary: So what if Rin will tell Haru that he wanted to swim with them.
They weren’t going to do that, not today, not ever.
(If I say “Episode 12 season 1 from Rin’s point of view” is that clear enough? )





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is... an old fic I've written ages ago, before season 2 was even announced.
> 
> It is the reason the series is called like it is because I just basically wrote my feels down.
> 
> The writing is very messy, pov switches without reason, some events are described in detail, others are just rushed. I've been thinking of rewriting it but every time I reread it It gets the desired effect (me in tears bc tHE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP) so I think it is okay as it is.
> 
> Even though it is tagged with the ship name it's not as shippy as some other fics I've written.

" _You aren’t in the best condition to swim this relay, you are focused on something else, am I right?_ "

 

Again that all too familiar feeling of _“You aren’t good enough”_ crept up his spine.

 

But why?

 

Rin worked so hard.

And he still was kicked off the relay.

Was it because he wasn’t good enough?

 

It wasn’t the first time something like this happened. He had similar words told to him in Australia. “Sorry Rin but you aren’t one of the best lately. Maybe next time.”

Of course the next time never came.

 

But this was different. He was in Japan now and this relay was a way for him to swim with Haru again.

This means that he will never race Haru in a relay, that he will never swim with his friends again all because he wasn’t the best.

 

Of course Captain was right. He didn’t even bother to train the relay with his school’s team, he didn’t even bother to know the people he was supposed to swim with.

 

He was focused on how alone he is (again) and how everybody around him changed, moved on.

 

Except for him.

Even Rei moved on from his issues just by being told that he is part of the Iwatobi swim team.

 

Rin supposed same thing would be with him, but he knew that will never happen.

 

Why try.

 

Why bother with anything.

 

It doesn’t matter anymore.

 

He’d better just quit.

 

…

 

He wasn’t good enough for anything not even for competing in swimming.

He fucked up his performance and he knew that was taking him farther and farther away from his dream. It would be better if he just quit swimming altogether. He had nobody to swim for so what _did_ it matter. No one cared about him so his fuck up didn’t matter anyway. If Haru saw him now he’d laugh at him, he was that pathetic. Not even good at the things that mattered the most for him. He wanted to cry but no tears came. Was he that sad that his brain held the tears back?

 

"You had a bad day senpai!"

No. It wasn’t just a bad day this has been going on for weeks and Rin didn’t know why. So what if Haru thought that there was something more to swimming than winning? How would Rin teach him that, if he had no friends since he was 12 and why was he holding on, to that? It was too late to swim with them, too late to tell them “I want to be part of your team, to swim with you and do stupid things like we used to do, long ago”. It was too late to do anything. Swimming was a competition and only the best people qualified for further tournaments.

 

Rin clearly wasn’t one of the best.

How did he want to be the best in the world if he wasn’t good enough to get past regionals? He should just give up swimming for good and do something else in life.

Was that why his dad didn’t become a professional swimmer? Was the pressure too much for his dad too?

 

He was leaving the swim arena and mainly looked at the ground lost in his own thoughts, until something caught his attention.

 

A tree.

A tree that looked very familiar like he had seen it before, more than once.

He looked at it for a while and then he remembered.

The first days he transferred to Iwatobi elementary school and saw a tree in the backyard.

A cherry blossom tree that had yet to bloom.

A cherry blossom tree that didn’t bloom before he left for Australia. Even though he checked every other week, hoping that one day he will see the blossoms.

As if he needed another reminder how things have changed and how late it is to fix everything.

 

This tree was different. It wasn’t cherry blossoms, but it had leaves and Rin was sure this is how the cherry blossom would look like if it bloomed.

But the cherry tree didn’t bloom and Rin would never know how that would look like.

 

It was all in the past anyway and there is no use to dwell on it.

 

His old team had gone forward, without him so why would he be hung up on them?

They got a replacement for him, and with what he told Rei they will all make a great team that will go far.

The best team that he ever wished for, the best things that he could never have. Only because he was so stubborn to hang on to something that his dad might not even want.

 

"Rin."

 

It sounded like Haru’s voice but it couldn’t be.

Haru wasn’t so expressive, so full of emotion, and Rin was the last person he’d call with such desperation.

But he looked left anyway and saw something unbelievable.

 

There stood Haruka Nanase, panting like he was running for his life just a while ago looking at Rin as if he cared.

As if his wonderful relay didn’t start in 10 minutes.

As if Rin was (but he knew he wasn’t) the most important person in Haruka’s life which Rin was sure wasn’t the case.

How would a “I only swim free” Haruka Nanase follow Rin? And why was he here of all places?

 

"Haru… Why are you here? Come to laugh at my pathetic loss? You saw what happened in the 100m free. And I was taken off the relay. The world is laughing at me. So join in. No need to pity me."

He was desperate and really wanted Haruka to laugh at him so that he could go home and forget this day ever happened.

 

But Haru’s expression didn’t change, he was still in the place, not laughing but… sort of desperate.

 

“I told you to laugh. That’s all I’m good for anyway. I’m not even good enough to race you in a relay.”

 

Why did Haru just stand there. This made no sense.

 

"Calm down Rin."

 

Calm down? Calm down? How in the world could Rin calm down right now? Here he was fucking up his life on his own wish, and this oh-so-amazing Haruka Nanase was telling him to calm down?

 

"Shut up! What would you know!?"

 

"I know. How fun it is to swim with friends. How good it is to swim in a relay together. You were the one who taugh me that, Rin!"

Why was he telling him things Rin knew already? And why did this hurt? And why were these words so familiar as if these were the things he locked deep in his brain ever since he abandoned the idea to swim in a relay in Australia?

Was it this that made him weak to rely on others?

 

"I understand now!"

No you don’t understand how can you know what I feel you can’t possibly know how it is to abandon everything you believed in and then go on.

 

"Why is it I swim. Who it is I’m swimming for!"

But you knew that already didn’t you? You only swim free and swim for your team because they want you to be there for them, what could you possibly want from me?

 

"You are the reason I…"

I am the reason you what? I am the reason you swim for your team I am the reason you saw how fucking amazing team you have and how glad you are that I am not part of it.

I am too pathetic to even be a part of a team that could _compete_ with yours.

 

"Shut up!" Rin was fed up with Haruka’s words and what he was going to say, but Haru didn’t shut up and continued.

 

Don’t say you know everything because you don’t know a fucking thing. I don’t care about your team or how amazing it is to swim with your friends why are you saying all this.

Haru didn’t laugh at him but he pointed out something Rin realized a long time ago, he pointed out all the feelings that Rin abandoned and it made it worse.

Rin wanted Haru to just shut up and go away from him. Leave him alone to his own miserable feelings.

 

He punched him but Haru stopped his arm in the last second. Rin had none of it, he took Haru and wanted to punch him again because maybe then Haru will be scared enough and go away from him. Maybe then he would understand just a tiny bit of Rin’s frustration and that is how they ended on the ground, with Haru facing him and Rin being above him and now when he finally had the chance to let go of all this frustration with himself and making Haru go away…

He saw a twig and some words written beside it right in front of the tree.

 

_For the team_   written in English, for hand like on the bricks in the flower garden in elementary school. Words written by Rin when he was 12.

 

Why were they here and why would Haru write them? And why would Haru also think of their childhood days and why wasn’t it _free_  but “F _or the Team_ ”? Why would Haru even remember this?

This wasn’t so important and it was long ago in the past and both of them should have moved on by now.

 

Haru was saying something, things that Rin thought of when he first saw this tree, but why would Haru even say that?

 

"Why isn’t it free?"

 

Rin felt his tears finally leave his eyes and was sobbing in between.

 

He almost never cried lately, he shred too many tears in Australia when he missed his friends. When he grew up he just had the feeling of being disappointed and not believing in most of the things that happened around him.

But now when he was crying he felt like saying his feelings out because maybe then this feeling of disappointment, the feeling of _not being good enough_ would go away.

 

So he told Haru everything, sobbing in between his words. But then he realized another thing.

 

It was too late.

 

Haru has his own team and they have Rei who can’t swim very good but is still swimming butterfly with them.

So what if Rin will tell Haru that he wanted to swim with them.

They weren’t going to do that, not today, not _ever_.

 

"But it’s too late now" he said that and looked somewhere else knowing that Haru will probably say "Yes it is, but maybe next time we will invite you over and you will swim with us then…"

 

But Haru wasn’t predictable to Rin, he never was. He got up, because by now Rin loosened his grip around him, which he did without thinking while crying his guts out and said

 

"No, it is not too late."

 

Rin was astonished to hear that and couldn’t believe it.

 

What do you mean it’s not too late, it obviously is his team won’t allow him to swim with them at regionals, Rin wasn’t good enough to swim with them and he knew that after he fucked up his race even Rei would swim better than him and…

 

Rin was shaken out of his thoughts when he heard Nagisa saying “Here they are!” and Rin saw Rei saying something along “You are not beautiful to look at, if you want to swim then swim” and the next ten minutes were too good to be true and Rin was sure it was all a dream.

 

…

 

He didn’t know if the rules allowed it but he didn’t care.

Because there he was with them, and their swimming didn’t change at all, Rin would say it even improved from the perfecturals, and when he swam with them he felt the power and purpose coming back to him.

 

Because here he was; swimming with his friends and everything was well with the world again.

 

And when he touched the wall and saw Haru jumping into the pool and swimming he knew he was home.

 

Haruka’s swimming was mesmerizing but he took his time. Rin heard everyone cheering for Haru and he decided to join them and then Haru was leading and was first at the finish.

 

They won.

 

Makoto helped Haruka out of the pool and Nagisa was crying saying “Haru-chan” over and over again and Rin knew that he saw this scene before, - which now seemed ages ago - when he was a child.

 

Not really comprehending why, he ran to Haru and hugged him and said “You showed me the best sight I could ask for” because it was the truth.

 

Everything was too good to be true and of course they would be disqualified but at that moment Rin didn’t care about winning or losing because there is certainly something more to swimming than winning prizes and his friends helped him realize that and he couldn’t be more grateful to them.

 

After they all calmed down, and a group photo was taken, Rin apologized for his behavior to them, and for intruding into their team, which made them disqualified. They assured him that it was okay, and even Rei forgave him and in that moment Rin realized something.

 

His dream of having the best team that he ever wished for, came true.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really love to hear some feedback on this one.


End file.
